I introduce myself in meetings by my first name because I believe
newcomers take comfort in this practice. I know I did when I was new. I
introduce myself by both first and last names when I address community
groups as part of our public outreach effort. I use my full name when I share by email. My use of my name varies
depending on the circumstance, but the concept of "personal anonymity"
goes deeper than how many names I use to introduce myself. It reminds me
that I don't deserve any personal credit for my sobriety or for
anything good in Alcoholics Anonymous, past, present or future. Every
drop of the good is supplied by the Source and I am merely a channel of
this good.
It's easy for ego, the little self-promoter,
to take credit for everything good that happens both inside and outside
of our rooms. Ego says, "I did this, I did that, and you should do what I
did." Ego's sobriety is a self-help program. It goes good for a couple
of weeks, but it doesn't last. Spirit's sobriety is a God-help program.
It's eternal. It's not about what I do, it's about what I am becoming.
Your sobriety is attractive to me, not because you can quote the Big
Book chapter and verse, but because you seem peaceful and happy. I sense
that you fit comfortably in your own skin.
My name is
not the truth of what I am. It is just a convenience like my email
address. On the level of spirit, there is no Jeff, Sally and Bill there
is only spirit. My sobriety is attractive when I let let go of my
personal identity and simply let the qualities of spirit shine through.
One member shares his experience, strength and hope about recovery from alcoholism through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The ideas and opinions expressed in this blog are in no way intended to represent those of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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Willingness to Grow
I inventoried my resentments the first time because I was afraid I would
drink if I didn't. I took fourth and tenth step inventories throughout
my early sobriety to try and quiet the alcoholic thinking and feeling
that raged within. I inventory today because I learned that carrying a
resentment makes it impossible to enjoy peace of mind and a useful
contented life. I no longer want to give away my serenity to people and
circumstances that pop up in my life. I no longer want to suffer the
dull ache of self-centered fear.
Finding my part in a resentment, no matter how tiny, is like finding a gold nugget. It's like discovering a secret doorway to freedom. When I find my part -- when I see that "somewhere in the past, I set the ball rolling" -- I can take responsibility for my healing. I know too, that I will always be shown this truth if I am willing to look. None of us are victims or innocent bystanders. If I point one finger of blame at someone else, I always have three fingers pointed back at me.
I don't make startling discoveries about myself every time I inventory my resentments, but I grow anyways. The process of self-discovery, of putting pen to paper, is a demonstration of my willingness. My job is to be willing to be changed. Spirit does the rest.
Finding my part in a resentment, no matter how tiny, is like finding a gold nugget. It's like discovering a secret doorway to freedom. When I find my part -- when I see that "somewhere in the past, I set the ball rolling" -- I can take responsibility for my healing. I know too, that I will always be shown this truth if I am willing to look. None of us are victims or innocent bystanders. If I point one finger of blame at someone else, I always have three fingers pointed back at me.
I don't make startling discoveries about myself every time I inventory my resentments, but I grow anyways. The process of self-discovery, of putting pen to paper, is a demonstration of my willingness. My job is to be willing to be changed. Spirit does the rest.