I believed in God, but I did not believe God would do anything for me. Thirty years of trying to control every aspect of my life had left me spiritually dead. I had no energy or enthusiasm for anything except drinking cheap wine, smoking expensive marijuana, and watching stupid TV hour after hour. I was getting desperate when a therapist suggested treatment. I received sufficient grace to say yes.
Something very curious happened on the day I signed up for treatment. I was getting ready for bed that night and realized I hadn’t thought about a drink all day. And I didn’t think about a drink the next day or the next or the one after that. In fact, I have not really thought about a drink for more than 26 years now. I don’t know how this happened or why this happened. I just know it happened. Without much effort on my part, God had removed the obsession to drink clean out of me.
Two days later I floated into my first AA meeting feeling positive about my life for the first time in years. It felt like a bag of bricks had been taken off my shoulders. I was still unemployed and running out of borrowed money, but I had the sense that somehow everything was going to be OK. I
didn’t know how. I just knew.
I heard that trying to get spiritual is like standing in water up to neck trying to get wet. I am already 100% spiritual. God, as I misunderstand God, has been with me every second of my life. I just haven't fully realized this yet.