Recently I hit another bottom with self-centered anger. I felt I wasn't being accorded the respect and honor someone of my lofty status deserved, so I went into my King Baby routine. I sat in my adult high-chair with my floppy baby hat, banging on the fold-down table with an over sized spoon. "Pay attention to me!" I demanded. When no one did, I decided to hold my breath until my face turned purple. That didn't work either.
Finally I realized my self-centered behavior was only hurting me. I was the one suffering, not them. I said a short prayer, asking HP for help and almost immediately my equilibrium was restored. How did I sink back down into the cesspool of my own thinking? How had I kicked myself out of heaven?
An honest look at my program showed I had been coasting for a while. I had been going to meetings and playing the part of the wise sponsor, but my daily practice of steps 10, 11 and 12 had fallen by the wayside. I had been giving lip service to my own interior work and, predictably, I ended up in a ditch.
I'm no saint, but in exchange for keeping me sober, I promised my HP I would live to good purpose. I cannot do this unless I continue to grow and change and that is exactly what the steps help me do. Meetings and sponsorship alone don't cut it for me. I demonstrate my willingness to grow but doing everything that's suggested, not just the fun stuff.
Life is unfolding exactly as it should. If it was supposed to be one iota different, it would be. It gives me a great sense of comfort to know I am always experiencing my highest and best good, even when I'm sitting in my high-chair.