Suit Up and Show Up

I have no idea how I practice spiritual principles. I just continue to do what you taught me in the first week or so -- suit up and show up and try to be the best me I can. I fail often. I'm no saint.

In the beginning I showed up to meetings because it was a requirement of the treatment center. I had to get my little card signed. But pretty quickly I sensed that you folks had something I wanted. I had no idea what it was, but I kept coming back to find out. When I was 90 days sober the men in my home group elected me “doughnut guy.” Now I had to show up. Seventy men depended on me for their sugar fix.

I kept showing up and my life began to change. I made my way through the steps with my sponsor. I learned that I wasn’t the bad person I thought I was. I saw that my resentments were hurting only me. In the process of taking the steps self-centered fear began to dissolve, making room for spirit to work in my life.

I began suiting up by spending a few minutes of quiet time each morning in prayer and meditation. I went for walks in nature. I read the Big Book and other spiritual literature. I was drawn toward the mystery of recovery. I began to try to do the next right thing even if I don’t feel like it.

The process of suiting up and showing up to life though the years has somehow made me a stand up guy. Today I am a friendlier neighbor, a more patient driver and a more loving husband. Earlier this year my wife had a serious medical challenge -- 60+ days in four different hospitals, an eleven hour surgery, and a battle with depression.

I spent eight to twelve hours in hospital every day, helping where I could. Thankfully, she is almost back to her normal happy self, but it was touch and go for a while, an emotional high-wire, but I didn’t get paralyzed in fear and I didn’t drink. I wasn’t thinking about spiritual principles. I just suited up and showed up and everything seems to be working out OK. Like it always does.