Powerless Without AA

AA, twelve steps, service commitments, sponsorship, and helping other drunks didn’t get me sober and doesn’t keep me that way. God did and does. But Alcoholics Anonymous connects me to the God of my own mis-understanding. Without AA God would just be another idea in my mind. God comes alive for me when I take the actions you taught me in my first few weeks.

I like that St. Francis asks God to make him a channel. God’s peace, love and power doesn’t originate in me, but it flows through me when my channel is open. Continuing to do what was suggested keeps my channel open and flowing. Then I’m connected to the Power — a mighty power — and Life can never throw anything at me I can’t handle.

Some of you know I buried my beautiful young wife,Lola,a week ago.  Cancer finally caught up to her after a twenty year battle. These past eleven months have been extremely difficult, especially during the countless times she suffered pain spikes, frustration and deep disappointment. There were times I doubted I had the strength to make it through. But every time I turned around the power was magically there — compassion, courage, wisdom — whatever I needed at the time — showed up right on cue.

AA dragged me out of the gutter of alcoholic self-centered thinking and made me a stand-up guy. Today I know how to suit up and show up and keep the power flowing. I have a hole in my heart that will never fully heal. But I’m also closer to my Higher Power than ever before. Funny how that works.