I sat in my command chair with a tumbler of wine. I recalled what the therapist told me earlier that day. She said she couldn’t help me, but maybe the treatment center up the street could. Did I want her to make arrangements for an orientation? I said I’d get back to her.
I had admitted to her I needed help, but giving up my drinking seemed a little severe. After all I was forty-seven years old. Hell, my life was almost over. Why quit now? Besides since I drank alone at home, I wasn’t experiencing consequences. I hadn’t been in jail for drunk driving for almost nineteen years! I was a little concerned I had no job and running out of money. But like Bill, I had been winning the game of life and would again. I was just going through a bad patch is all. Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Yet, when I awoke two days later something had changed in me I cannot explain. All I know is that I called the therapist and arranged for an orientation at the treatment center. Five days after that I walked into my first AA meeting. It felt like I had finally found my way home after a long painful journey. I wanted what you had and discovered my bags were packed with willingness. I took all the actions to put myself in the center of Alcoholics Anonymous and have remained there ever since. Today I can see that my willingness to take the actions is not a result of anything I do. It is a gift from God with no strings attached.
Through the years I’ve worked with many men who try middle of the road solutions. Virtually all fall by the wayside. Yet I believe that no effort is wasted. Every time we try and fail we get a little closer to the willingness to come all the way in.