I didn’t realize I was encrusted in self-centered fear as I sat in my easy chair day after day drinking, smoking pot and watching TV. I thought I was a pretty nice guy. Not having a job wasn’t the problem. Running out of money was. I had been at the top of my career a few years earlier. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t find any energy or enthusiasm to look for work or for anything else for that manner. Since I wasn’t suffering consequences, I never considered my drinking to be a problem. By then alcohol was medicine I had to take twice a day to try and stay even.
Finally, a moment of clarity — a gift I did nothing to deserve — led me to ask a therapist for help. A few days later I enrolled in an out patient treatment program. That night, three days before I walked into my first meeting, the obsession to drink was lifted clean out of me. I floated on a pink cloud. I have no idea how this happened. This experience proved there was a power I did not understand that had my best interest at heart. My faith was born.
Since that night twenty two years ago, faith has never failed to do for me what I could not do for myself. Faith gave me the courage to walk through many scary and painful experiences without a drink or a drug. Faith allowed me to suit up and show up through job loss, move to China, start my own company, and most recently walk hand and hand with my young wife through the end of her life. I’ve come out the other side of all these experiences stronger and more faithful than ever.
I nurture my faith by continuing to do all that is suggested in Alcoholics Anonymous. I show up regularly at meetings where I learn how you guys walk through your fear and realize I can too. I’m no longer afraid to ask for help. When I’m feeling even a tiny bit shaky, I talk to another alcoholic about it. I work with others — giving away what was so freely given to me. I keep my connection with my HP strong by spending time each day in silence. Today I know without really knowing that I can get through whatever God has in store for me. This is a great way to live!