I heard a speaker say that she was so cold when she arrived in AA that she was frozen. That describes me. I was frozen and I've been spending all these years just thawing out. In my 30 years of drinking I had erected a huge ego wall that separated me from you, God and everything good in life.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I wanted so much to fit in to AA to belong to the group, but my insecurities kept me posturing on the outside looking in. I stiffened up like a board if you wanted to give me a hug. I acted the part of a happy camper, but I was not.
I was showing up at a lot of meetings but not really feeling connected. Then at 90 days sober the 70 men of my home group elected me the doughnut guy. Looking back this was one of the truly significant events of my life. For the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt a sense of usefulness. I was part of. Not only that, I got to scarf down 2-3 freshly made doughnuts right out of the oven on my way to the meeting. What could be better than that?
I learned through this experience to make sure the newcomers in the meetings I attend regularly have opportunities to be of service and I give them a push to volunteer.