Today

I was a couple of weeks sober and sitting in the therapy circle in the out-patient treatment center. When my turn came to share I said, "I feel so good, I'll never drink again!" The short, round woman who ran the center, an ex-heroine junky from New York, snapped back, "That's just ego bull shit Jeff! We don’t say crap like that in here. You'd better just do everything you can to stay sober today and pray it's enough.”

That was a long time ago, but my ego still tries to convince me I don’t have to go to the meeting today, that I don’t have to reach out to other alcoholics today, that I don’t have to ask my HP for help today. Ego says, “you’re fine, Jeff, really.” Ego is right. I am fine. My life is better than it has ever been. I take the suggested recovery actions today not because I’m afraid I’ll drink again, but because I really enjoy being a part of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I enjoy the meetings, the fellowship, and the chance to help another still suffering alcoholic. I often share about the feeling I had as I sat in my first meeting. It felt like I had finally found my way home after a long, painful struggle. AA continues to feel like home today.

I can’t imagine life without my AA activities. It’s how I get spiritually nourished. I connect with the God of my own misunderstanding at meetings, one-on-ones with other drunks and practicing the steps, especially ten, eleven and twelve. Seeing the light come on in a newcomer’s eyes is my most favorite experience. I am a radically different person than I was when I walked into my first meeting twenty-four years ago. Most of the time today I am sober, sane and serene. But growing along spiritual lines is an exciting, never-ending journey so I think I’ll keep coming back.