Thanks to the grace of my higher power and the program and Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have traveled from a life filled with problems to a life filled with solutions.
The Bedevilments on page 52 of our book describe what it was like for me before AA. I was having trouble with personal relationships. I lived with the loneliness I believe only alcoholics truly understand. I was filled with resentment and simmering anger. I was taking Prozac. I was unemployed and running out of money but unable to muster up the energy to look for work. I woke up every morning with an ache of fear in my gut. I wasn’t any real help to other people because I didn’t really care about other people unless they had something I wanted. I had no energy or enthusiasm for anything other than drinking and using. I was dead inside.
Then Grace happened. I saw some truth about what I had become. Grace gave me the power to stand up to ego and reach out for help. Grace supplied the willingness to do everything suggested. Grace allowed me to experience the joy of recovery. It is grace that my relentless efforts for money, power, and prestige fell away. Today, being of service to others, both in and out of the rooms, is the primary motivation of my life. It’s all grace.
I am a completely different man than I was when I began my journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I enjoy rich personal relationships. I am healthier than I’ve ever been. The fear is gone. I have enough of everything I need to live a useful, contented life. I am comfortable with who I am. I feel and express a full range of human emotion. Problems still crop up, but since solutions show up effortlessly, I no longer worry. Today I have the faith that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay as long as I continue to do my part.
I am so grateful to be alcoholic. There is no way I could’ve traveled from where I was to where I am today without having a disease that was going to kill me unless I treated it spiritually. I used to jokingly say if you had my life, you’d drink too. Today, I say if you had my life, you wouldn’t drink either.