Too Much to Lose

I’m enjoying the best life I’ve ever had, but it is dangerous to think I’ll never drink again. What I know is that I probably won’t drink today because I’m taking some actions that show the universe my desire to stay sober. I’m sharing my ESH with you guys and heading to a face to face meeting later today. I’ll also get out in nature for a hike – my eleventh step practice. These recovery actions maintain a nice fat balance in my sobriety bank account.

These actions fly in the face of ego. Ego wants me to think I have this drinking thing handled. Ego tries to convince me I’m fine. I don’t have to go to the meeting today because I went to one yesterday. My life feels useful and purposeful, but the ego lie is I can feel better. I don’t think about a drink anymore, but ego occasionally reminds me how much I used to enjoy smoking marijuana.  Ego points out that since it is now legal, what would be the harm? Gratefully I’ve seen what happens to those alcoholics who try the marijuana maintenance program.

Yesterday during lunch with another active, long-term member, I asked what we would be doing with our lives without AA. Neither of us had an answer. My life revolves around my AA activities. AA is my church. It’s where I get spiritual sustenance. It’s where I meet my friends.  My higher self wants me to continue to grow and change. I simply can’t imagine what life would be like without AA. I’ve got way too much to lose.

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