Spiritual Goodness

 AA is a spiritual force for good in the world. There is no way I can imagine God would allow AA to fail. God has got our backs. So for me our tradition of self supporting is more about my relationship with money and less about AA succeeding.

I walked through the doors to my first meeting consumed by a “hundred forms of fear.” Most fears were about not having enough money. Unemployed, I had been living on borrowed money for months. Creditors were calling. I was a couple of months from being unable to pay my rent. I awoke every morning with an ache of fear in my gut.

I lived in the delusion that a new high-paying job would fix everything, but no job was forthcoming and today I know why. Alcoholism had cut me off from the sunlight of the spirit. I could not muster the spiritual energy necessary to do the work to find the right work.

As a last resort I took the actions necessary to put myself in the center of AA and there I found a God of my own misunderstanding. Self-centered fear began to dissipate — replaced by the faith that as long as I do my part, there is no need to worry. It took a few years, but fear gave way to a sense of balance, harmony and order.  I walk through each day with the feeling I have just enough of everything. I spend money freely, but not extravagantly. I am generous with my time and money in and out of AA. In these ways I keep spiritual goodness flowing through my life.