My Eskimo

I identify with the story about the guy stranded on an iceberg floating out to sea.  As he  was praying for God to save him, an Eskimo came by in a kayak and suggested if he jumped in, he would row him to safety. No thanks, he said. God would save him. The guy dies and when he gets to heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God replied that he sent him an Eskimo in a kayak, but he wasn't ready.

My Eskimo was a massage therapist named Bill S. Thirty plus years ago, Bill came to my home weekly to iron out the inks in my super stressed-out body. Bill showed up at 5:30 PM just as I arrived home from the office. Sometimes he had to wait a few minutes while I gulped down a couple of quick scotches - to get relaxed enough to be massaged.

Bill had something I wanted. I didn't know what it was at the time, but today I know he had Spirit working in his life. He was friendly, kind and seemed stress free. As he worked on me, he told me his story. Just seven years earlier he had been homeless on the streets in Venice Beach, CA. Now he was married to a woman who held a big corporate job. Bill had a nice car and they owned a home. “What did you do to change?” I asked. “I sobered up in AA,” he said. And went on to talk about his experiences. I acted interested, but I really wasn't. The next week he brought me a Big Book. I skimmed the first 164 pages and a few of the stories in the back, then promptly gave it to a friend who really needed it. 

Fast forward a few months. The big-paying job was gone and my marriage was breaking up.  I decided to quit drinking as an experiment. The next time Bill came over, I told him I wasn’t drinking. “Do you want to go to a meeting?” He asked.  I reluctantly went along to prove to myself AA was not for me. It was a large speaker meeting  and I was right. Not for me.

I struggled for the next six years and floated further and further out to sea. Finally Grace let me see how pathetic my life had become. I was forty seven years old, unemployed again and living on borrowed money. I had no friends except the lower companions I met at the bar every afternoon for "happy" hour. The pain continued to ratchet up until I finally became willing to be changed and thanks to my Eskimo, Bill, I knew exactly where to go.

My Greatest Blessing

I have come to realize that, next to life itself, alcoholism is my greatest blessing. There is absolutely no other way I could have traveled from where I was  to where I am today without having a disease that was going to kill me without spiritual treatment. My alcoholism turned out to be my e-ticket out of bondage of self into a life of beauty and meaning.

I don't know who or what God is, but I do know that I was changed in a profound way at the very beginning of my journey in recovery and that I've continued to be changed -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly-- throughout my time in Alcoholics Anonymous. I know from the core of my being my spiritual growth is nothing I did and everything God did.

The first blessing I received happened before my first meeting, before I got a sponsor and before I worked any steps. The compulsion to drink was completely lifted out of me. I haven't seriously thought about a drink for almost 28 years now. Perhaps the next most important blessings were the courage to ask for help and the willingness to do what was suggested. Meetings, steps, and service became my Life plan and they remain so today.

The blessings never stopped. Today I spend very little time in fear, anger, or guilt. Like our book says, I enjoy a new freedom and a new happiness. I am no longer baffled when a painful situation arises. Today when I lose my peace I know it is because I carry a remnant of alcoholic thinking. I am trying to impose my self-centered version of reality on life instead of accepting Life exactly as it is. Today, more than ever, I am blessed to realize that life is perfect just the way it is and that every one of my life experiences was intended to help me grow and change. So why would I have any regrets?

I've experienced great joy in my journey to wholeness. Blessed beyond words to have had so many wonderful, sober traveling companions, I owe my very life to all of those I've met along the way, especially those who have reached out their hand to me and those who invited me into their lives as a friend and sponsor. 

I am so grateful to be alcoholic and to have been graced with all the blessings I experienced in Alcoholics Anonymous.