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Drinking Like Other People

“Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people. Here are some of the methods we have tried… .” BB pg 32

I spent my career in hospitality management. I saw plenty of drinking. I watched as most other people stopped after one or two or maybe a few drinks. Of course there was always a small percentage that kept going until they started slurring their words and wobbling their way to the restroom. Most people know when they've had enough. Halfway through her second glass of wine, my second wife would stop drinking and say, "Oh, I'm starting to feel it." Then she would push the glass away. Nothing used to irritate me more than to see someone leave a half-finished drink. When other people start to feel it, I'm just getting started.

I drank for thirty years. I could stop after one or two drinks. But I never wanted to. I could stop if I had a business thing to attend to. Most of the time I could stop if I were out in public because I never wanted you to see me drunk. The only way I could stop was to control it. Occasionally I would lose control and suffer consequences. Getting arrested going the wrong way on the Golden Gate bridge comes to mind. The allergy required me to go on drinking despite some ugly consequences.  

Gratefully, I have been placed in a position of neutrality as far as alcohol is concerned. I don't want to drink and I don't want not to drink. It doesn't ever come up. There is no urge to drink, there is no idea that a drink would be a bad idea. It just doesn't register. Like our book says, "We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed."

Expectations

 I remember whining to my sponsor when I was new about how the people in my life weren’t following my script. “Do you always expect to get your way?” he asked. “Yes, of course" I replied. Well then you had better prepare yourself for a life full of disappointment because it’s never going to happen.” I was shocked. Of course I expect to get my way. Doesn’t everyone? 

Expectations, especially of other people, sooner or later end in resentment for me. The more reasonable my expectation, the angrier I became when it isn't met. I expected people to treat me with courtesy and respect. It took many years in AA to see that when I point my finger of guilt at others, I have three fingers pointing back at me. I expected courtesy and respect, but hardly treated others this way. Today I'm better. 

Today I know that God puts other people in my life not to fulfill my expectations but to help me grow.  We are all hot-wired to pursue our own happiness. Living without demands on others is truly the softer, easier way to go through life. I'm working on it.