Willingness to Grow

I inventoried my resentments the first time because I was afraid I would drink if I didn't. I took fourth and tenth step inventories throughout my early sobriety to try and quiet the alcoholic thinking and feeling that raged within. I inventory today because I learned that carrying a resentment makes it impossible to enjoy peace of mind and a useful contented life. I no longer want to give away my serenity to people and circumstances that pop up in my life. I no longer want to suffer the dull ache of self-centered fear.

Finding my part in a resentment, no matter how tiny, is like finding a gold nugget. It's like discovering a secret doorway to freedom. When I find my part -- when I see that "somewhere in the past, I set the ball rolling" -- I can take responsibility for my healing. I know too, that I will always be shown this truth if I am willing to look. None of us are victims or innocent bystanders. If I point one finger of blame at someone else, I always have three fingers pointed back at me.

I don't make startling discoveries about myself every time I inventory my resentments, but I grow anyways. The process of self-discovery, of putting pen to paper, is a demonstration of my willingness. My job is to be willing to be changed. Spirit does the rest.