I ran the whole gamut of emotions after Lola died. I was glad she no longer suffered. I was angry because she was 23 years younger and I was supposed to go first. I was afraid about what life would be like without her happy spirit. But mostly I felt sad. I wasn’t sad all the time, but out of the blue sadness crashed over me like a wave. Today the sadness is still there, but it feels more like ripples than waves.
The most troubling feelings for me have been feelings of loneliness, thank God AA provides me a solution. In the middle of February my HP tapped me on the shoulder and suggested I get connected with Alcoholics Anonymous here in North County, San Diego. I committed to 90 meetings in 90 days. As of yesterday I have attended 91 meetings in 84 days. I have made new sober friends and have even hooked a willing newcomer. As it says in our book, my whole outlook and attitude has changed. I still feel pangs of loneliness, but they are nowhere near as painful as they were three months ago.
I miss my wife terribly. Yet, I am not suffering. Instead I feel grateful for the time we had together. I consider it a huge honor to have been chosen to walk with her until the end. I am so grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous and what I learned from people like you about living life on life’s terms.