After 30 years of drinking and causing wreckage and pain to myself and others, I received a moment of clarity. In a flash I was allowed to see the truth about what I had become. I saw that alcohol was involved in all the negative experiences of my life. I got a good whiff of myself and it wasn't a pretty smell. Along with this vision of truth, I got a feeling of hope. I learned later that this is called "grace" -- an undeserved gift.
I did not go to God to get this experience. He brought me to Him. He took away the alcoholic obsession and compulsion. He loved me first and that's why I seek Him today. For me it's not blind faith, but faith based on the reality of my own experience.
There is not a time when I am apart from God. He is right here in my heart and has been there all along. But my experience of Him that changes based on my willingness to seek Him.
Its like we do a little dance. By taking the actions that demonstrate my willingness, I take a step closer to Him and he automatically takes a step closer to me. When I get caught up in life stuff and forget what's important I take a step backwards and God steps backwards too.
The difference is that after 10 years of this dance when I'm close, I'm closer than ever and I don't have to move backwards as far before I realize that I'm heading in the wrong direction.