The fears and insecurities I developed as a kid -- the very roots of my alcoholism -- shut me off from the source of true learning. I needed you to think I had all the answers. I was too scared to admit that I did not know. Asking for help was out of the question. I played this game for so long that I became convinced that I did have all the answers -- about how life worked, about God, about what was wrong with you and what you should do to fix it.
Slowly, slowly I’m learning to admit I have very few answers, but many questions. I am also learning that all the answers are inside of me, but I must be willing to look for them. The actions I take in AA help me “uncover, discover, and discard” all those old ideas that block me from the answers, the truth about life. I am learning that to understand, I must be willing to let go of what I think I know. I’ve barely made a start.
I certainly haven’t learned any truths by trying to figure things out in my head. It’s by doing what was suggested when I first came into the rooms. Sometimes I hear the truth at a meeting. I may have heard the same words 100 times before, but this time there was a “click.” Sometimes I hear the truth when I am talking with another alcoholic. The words that come out of my mouth are truths I didn’t even know I knew. I learn each time I am willing to walk through a painful situation. It sure helps to see others in our program that have walked through the same thing before me.
To be teachable means to be willing to be a life long learner. I demonstrate my willingness to learn by continuing to do what is suggested.