I bounced along the bottom for many
years while spirit dozed on the couch in front of the TV. Spirit woke
up when I finally reached out for help after the pain became unbearable.
I must have let go of a ton of ego, because I floated into my first
meeting on a pink cloud. My outside circumstances hadn’t changed, but
something was going on inside me that I didn’t understand. I had no urge
to take a drink. I felt downright blissful. Like any good alcoholic I
wanted more. I wanted to keep this great feeling alive. You pointed to
the steps on the wall.
The pink cloud wore off in a couple of
months, but by this time I had a sponsor and was well into my spiritual
journey through the steps. Ego began to fall away with each successive
step. Huge chunks broke off when I saw my part in resentments, shared my
secrets, and made heartfelt amends during my ninth step. Slowly I began
to get glimpses of God working in my life. These God-shots were like
white pebbles leading out of the dark forest of self-will. God was no
longer an idea in my head. God became a living experience and remains so
today.
Ego is like an invisible wall that separates me from God
and you and everything wonderful in life. The steps dissolve ego much
like a bucket of water melts the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz. But
unlike the Wicked Witch, Ego has a tricky way of reconstituting itself.
If I am not continuing to grow and change through the steps, the wall
rebuilds itself. Sooner or later I’m alone again. All alone.