I am not the same person I was when I walked into my first AA meeting. I feel I have been reborn into a new life. This miracle is nothing I did and everything God did. Even though my ego wants to take credit, my life is Grace pure and simple — a gift I did nothing to earn.
Nothing is wasted in God’s world. I needed to drink every drink and to tell every lie. I needed the drunk driving arrests, the painful relationships, the job loses and the bankruptcy. I needed every meeting I attended, every step I worked and every alcoholic who showed me the way. I could not have arrived where I am today with one less of anything.
I’ve received countless gifts in sobriety beginning with the moment of clarity that led me to AA, but I believe the most important gift I’ve received is the gift of willingness. Without willingness, I would not have continued to take the actions necessary to awaken to a brand new life.
Somewhere along the way I entered the flow. Instead of swimming against the current of life, I floated with it. Oh, I still have problems but today I know they are in my life to help me grow. Today I feel a part of life, not apart from it. Today I enjoy peace of mind most of the time. My life feels useful and contented. It’s true I’ve taken the suggested recovery actions, but God supplies the fuel—willingness.
I drank for thirty years to quiet the termites of anxiety that lived beneath the surface of my life. The termites are gone. There’s no reason to drink today, even if I could drink like a gentleman.