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Real Feel Good

The way I see it, I have to feel better sober than I did when I was drinking or I will drink again. I have to replace the false and temporary "feel good" that I got from the bottle with real and permanent "feel good." If the real feel good feels better than the temporary I would have no reason to drink again. So where does real feel good come from anyways?

I'm learning that it doesn't come from more money, property or prestige. And it doesn't come from being loved. I've had my share of all those things at one time or another and it feels good for a while, but the feelings don't last. I'm learning that it doesn't come from achieving anything. I've spent my whole life being a human "doing," and the good feelings from all my accomplishments were left behind in the dust of my next pursuit. If happiness is caused by something it's not real, because as soon as the cause is taken away, the happiness vanishes like smoke.

Largely through the process of elimination, I'm coming to believe that the real feel good I'm seeking comes from someplace inside of me. In fact I sense that there is a unlimited reservoir of good feelings down there somewhere. If I could only open up a pipeline to this reservoir and bring the feelings into my direct experience I gotta believe my life would be blissful beyond imagination.

Steps one and two are pretty easy. I don't really have to do anything, but I have to "take" them as a necessary foundation for step three. I won't, I can't, hope to give Step three a try without "taking" one and two. But step three is a real bugaboo. You taught me that my "will and my life" means ALL my thoughts and actions, not just the bad ones, the good ones too. At face value this seems impossible to me because I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time, so how can I turn it over? The answer of course is that I can't. I don't have the power but God does. My only job is to be willing to let Him.

I'm learning that just saying I'm willing is not enough. I must demonstrate my willingness by doing all the things suggested to the best of my ability.

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