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AA Resentments

I've sat in many a meeting feeling resentful at other members. They are sharing too long, they are sharing the "mess" and not the "message," they shared the same story last week, they walked in late (again!) oblivious to the disturbance they cause, they don't volunteer for service, they don't put anything in the basket, yadda, yadda...

What I'm coming to believe is that when I sit in a meeting judging others, finding them guilty and being resentful about it, I might as well not be there. Resentment (fear) blocks off my channel to my Higher Power and I cannot partake of the spiritual atmosphere and my own sharing is flat. As always my resentment is only hurting me. (It's certainly not hurting the woman (16 yrs) in our group here who shares frequently about the trials and tribulations of her pet rabbit.)

Learning how to stop judging and resenting others in my meetings is important work. Because if I can't do it in AA I certainly can never hope to to stop doing it outside the rooms in a world where so much judgement and hatred exists. I have found that If I really want to, I can overlook or quickly let go of what other people say or do. But I gotta really want to and I gotta ask my Higher Power's for help. I try to remember that I need to accept others exactly as they are if I want to be accepted exactly as I am. When I see the guilt in others, I am only reaffirming my own sense guilt.

I'm not worried about what newcomers are hearing from someone with no program, because to do so would mean to give power to words of ignorance. There is no power in the words of fearful people to get anyone drunk. There is only One power and to the extent that I am channelinng this power in what I think, say and do -- I am being responsible.

I think AA is just fine the way it is with all its pimples and warts. If it was supposed to be different it would be. If anyone needs to change, it's me not them.

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