A Part Of

Even though I wasn't fully aware of it, something had changed inside of me as I stood at the doorway to step 12. It was as if the previous eleven steps had ignited a little pilot light and a tiny blue flame was burning in my consciousness. But I was only 90 days sober from 30 years of serious drinking. My cells were still saturated with the ism, negative thinking patterns were hyper-active and the voices of self doubt were chattering constantly.

Without both parts of step 12 the flame may have died out. I needed to begin to pass it on -- not to save another drunk's ass but my own. I didn't own many principles at the beginning, but I began to practice anyways. I suited up and showed up early to set up the chairs. I called other alcoholics every day -- a difficult assignment for an isolator with an inferiority complex. I became willing to listen to what my sponsor and others had to say. I held out my hand to newcomers. I made AA the top priority in my life.

In this way I developed the feeling of being "a part of." This feeling is alive in me today. By practicing step twelve I remain a member in good standing. It is the warm breath of my Higher Power that keeps my flame alive.