Pages

Reconnecting with Life

For most of my life I saw the glass as half empty. I became an expert at telling you what was wrong with anything or anyone, including you and you plans and dreams. I was the perfect devil's advocate. As my disease progressed this negative thinking became habitual and automatic. My favorite expression was "life is a sh*t sandwich and it's always lunch time."

I was cynical in outlook and sarcastic in expression. For the last few years of my drinking I was all alone except for a few lower companions I would see daily at my neighborhood bar where I went for cheap drinks and dinner on the free happy hour snacks.

But even toward the end I don't remember feeling lonely because long before I had somehow erected a wall between me and the rest of the people in the world. In fact I liked it better when people would stay on the other side of the wall. I was uncomfortable when people would try to come over to my side. I suppose my personality developed to keep people away. It worked real well.

My recovery has been a process of tearing down this wall one brick at a time. Even though my wall is still high enough to crouch down and hide behind, enough of it is gone that I can see that the sweetness of life is happening on the other side.

No comments: