Forgetting and Remembering

AA has taught me that my recovery is dependent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Somehow I've got to establish and maintain a relationship with a Higher Power that will solve my problems because I've proved to myself over and over that I can't solve them myself. In fact the harder I tried the worse things got.

It's my Higher Power's job to solve my problems but He's kind of laid back and non-intrusive. He won't come in and help me unless I take certain actions to invite Him to do so. The actions I take to invite my Higher Power into my life to solve my problems are contained and embodied in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I consider these Steps sacred.

The BB says in the introduction of Step Three... "The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success." To me this means that God will not come into my life to help me recover as long as I think I can recover on my own. My experience is that if my life is going well, I begin to forget these things. Little by little I rely more and more on self propulsion to find the sense of ease and comfort in my life. Finally I find myself in the cesspool of my own thinking wondering just how the hell I got there again.

Fortunately the longer I am sober the shorter the time in the cesspool before I remember the Truth: I am not in charge of my life. This forgetting and remembering seems to be an essential quality of my spiritual growth. I am profoundly grateful to AA and to all of you who help me remember on a daily basis and remind me when I forget.