Other People

Other people have always been the problem for me. Somehow I learned that I needed to depend on other people for my own happiness. As long as you were responsible for my happiness, I had to live with the fear you would reject me, alienate me or leave me. So I set up an elaborate control mechanism to make sure that you didn't do any of those things. Sometimes it worked for a while, but because of my exhausting attempts to control you, you rejected me anyways. I was totally baffled at this because I thought I was doing all the right things!

Figuring this out did not come easy. I've heard people describe the fourth step as "mining for gold." When I finally got down to the causes and conditions of some of my character defects and my own error beliefs about relationships came to the surface, it was like discovering a large gold nugget for me.

I'd like to say since I discovered what the problem was, that all my relationships are perfect, but that is not the case. Sometimes I still want to make you responsible for my happiness, but nearly as much. What I am coming to believe that my happiness comes from within. It comes from my own relationship with me and my Higher Power.