I plodded through life feeling like a wind-up alarm clock that had been wound too tight. Innocently, without knowing it I had accumulated a whole collection of false beliefs that separated me from you, from God, and from everything good and real in life. I drank against the pain of feeling separate and alone for thirty years.
I saw therapists, took antidepressants, and read countless self-help books but nothing worked. Only alcohol provided any relief, but toward the end even my best friend abandoned me. Instead of a sense of ease and comfort, the booze made the fears worse. Finally grace allowed me to see there was plenty wrong with me that a new job wouldn’t fix. Something inside of me cried out for help and I was led to Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been seeking help in AA ever since.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I began my journey to wholeness at my first meeting, when I put up my hand and said, “I’m Jeff and I’m an alcoholic.” I jumped into recovery with both feet. I began to practice the principles contained in the twelve steps, I experienced the psychic change described in our book, and a whole new world was born. I am growing away from the false sense that I am separate and alone in a cold cruel world toward the certainty that I am inextricably connected to all of life — to you, God and good.
It’s early yet, but I believe today will be a pretty good day. I don’t have anything special planned. Yet I sense there will be special moments. I’ve enjoyed a succession of pretty good days in the past few years. Sure there have been challenges and heart aches. They seem to go with the territory. But these low spots are greatly outnumbered by days filled with peace, happiness and freedom. It’s a good bet today will be a good day because I plan to get to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and connect with friends on our program. This, I’ve learned is the formula for a useful and contented life.