Suddenly Realizing

I have experienced a few large and a number of tiny “aha” moments in my sobriety, but the first one—the moment I realized that my thirty-year obsession with alcohol had been removed--became the foundation of my entire recovery program.

Three days before I walked into my first AA meeting I was getting ready for bed when I realized I hadn’t thought about a drink all day. I found this quite curious as I had been getting drunk twice a day for the past eight months while unemployed. I had no idea what had happened, but I sensed it was something magical. When I read the Doctor's Opinion a few weeks later I realized my obsession to drink had been removed -- that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself.

With the obsession removed I had tangible experience that proved God was real and personal to me. I was pulled into the mystery of life. I saw that all I needed was to demonstrate a little willingness and great things would come to pass. Armed with this faith I was able to dance through the 12 steps enthusiastically expecting miracles in my life. What started out as a trickle became a non-stop stream of miracles that continue until this day.

Since the moment the obsession was lifted out of me, I have never seriously considered taking a drink or using any kind of mind altering substances. It’s been more than twenty-one years now. Like it says in our book, God has placed me in a position of neutrality as far as alcohol is concerned. I don’t want to drink and I don’t want not to drink. It’s a non-issue. During my wife’s illness our home was loaded with all the best kind of pain drugs including liquid morphine, OxyContin,and others. I was never once tempted despite the excruciating emotional pain.

I have great compassion for those members who share they are still struggling with the obsession even well into their sobriety. I am extremely grateful that God removed the obsession for me at the beginning of my journey. I’m not sure I would have made it otherwise.