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Freedom from Bondage of Stuff

I was walking through the mall the other day and the thought came over me that I didn’t want one thing in this whole mall. No new clothes, no new electronic devices, no new kitchen gadget. No nothing. In fact, the thought of having more stuff actually felt a little repulsive.

This is stark contrast to my life before AA. Like most Americans I bought stuff I didn’t need with money I didn’t have. I made minimum payments on my credit cards until I declared bankruptcy after a couple of years sober. I realize today that I bought most of the stuff, not because I needed it, but to try and fill up the emptiness — to feel better about myself. Today, thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous, my life feels useful and contented. I no longer need to be filled up because I already am.

I no longer worry about there not being enough to go around. I no longer have to fight for more than my share. I have the faith I’ll be given what ever I need to thrive today. My daily bread might come in the form of strength, money, or an intuitive thought — what ever I need. God doesn’t give me enough bread to last me the rest of my life, only enough for today’s journey. God has never failed to provide what I need, even in the depths of my alcoholism.

As I continue to grow in AA I am learning to live with less. I no longer suffer the constipation of too much stuff. I sense I have just enough of everything, not to little, not too much. Just enough. I heard that a spiritual person is someone who owns two shirts, sells one for a dollar and uses the dollar to buy a flower. I’m not there yet, but I’m heading in that direction and it feels great.