Judge Ye Not

When I was new one of my favorite old timers always ended his shares with, "I came for my drinking, but I stay  for my thinking." I haven't had a drink for a while, but I still have the "ism." -- the distorted, irrational  thinking that's etched on my psyche. The ism continues to show up in my life every day, usually in the form of  judgments. I seem to be powerless to stop judging others. Judgments just pop into my head uninvited.

I separated myself from life long before I walked into my first AA meeting. I judged myself better than the bad  people and not as good as the good people. Thus, I felt totally alone even in a crowd of people I knew. This is  a loneliness I believe only an alcoholic truly understands. My recovery journey seems to be about reconnecting  with life and the people in it, but my ego fights to stay separate. Judgement continues to be ego's number one weapon.

Whenever I send out a judgment against another, I not only separate myself from that person, but I separate  myself from  God. My life is unmanageable without God in it. Oh, I probably won't do anything I might get arrested for, but without spirit running my life, happy, joyous and free is out of the question. Suffering on some level is inevitable.

I'm better about this today. Sometimes I can identify with the fear and pain people carry underneath their masks. I'm  learning compassion albeit at a snail's pace. The good news is that judgment no longer feel good. That sense of false superiority is is fading away.  I long to be equal with everyone else in the room -- a worker among workers; a friend among friends. To finally realize,  as one old time used to say, "I'm just another bozo on the bus and I'm not the driver."