Spiritual Mystery

The obsession to drink was lifted clean out of me four days before I walked into my first AA meeting. I was getting ready for bed and I became aware I hadn't had a drink or a thought about a drink all day. I found this curious since I drank mostly every day for thirty years. I didn't realize this was a big deal until I read about the double-edged sword in the Doctor's Opinion and listened to countless alcoholics struggle with cravings and relapse. Today I know something of great importance happened to me.

Through the years I've wondered why the compulsion was removed before I attended a meeting, before I had a sponsor, and before I worked the steps. Earlier that day I had signed up for treatment even though I wasn't sure I was alcoholic. Could this be the reason I was set free? Maybe I was just "ready". I don't know. Since I cannot come up with any satisfying explanation about why the obsession was removed, I've come to regard this experience as a spiritual mystery. I chalk it up to Grace, a priceless gift I did nothing to earn.

This first sweet realization of God doing for me what I could not do for myself became the foundation of my faith in a power greater than me. My faith took root in Alcoholics Anonymous and continues to grow in the fertile soil of meetings, steps and service. I've come to realize not only my sobriety, but my entire life is nothing I do and everything God does. Today I believe that God will get me out of any mess I get myself into. I've stopped trying to figure out how or why the obsession was removed, but I give thanks every day that it was. The ability to live comfortably in my own skin without the need to modify reality with alcohol or drugs is simply a great way to live.