Easy Does It is impossible when ego runs the show.
I met a beautiful woman a year and a half ago. A true gift of recovery. She lives in the desert two hours away. I’ve been driving back and forth to visit her every other week. On most days it’s a beautiful drive, but last Thursday ego decided to grab the steering wheel.
It’s a winding two lane road through the mountains. There are very few passing opportunities, but there are turn-outs about every five miles with signs that read, Slower Traffic Use Turn-outs. Well, I got behind a slow poke who refused to turn out. I started heating up when he passed by the first turn-out. Just before the second turn-out I got up close behind him and turned on my bright lights. Still he refused to turn-out. Now the committee in my head was going crazy. I stewed for five more miles until just before the next turnout. This time I tailgated, flashed my lights and blew my horn. When he refused to turn-out, I became homicidal. I was so angry, it felt like black smoke was pouring out of my ears.
Then Grace happened. Somehow a thought intruded into the chaos inside my head. “This doesn’t feel good.” I realized I had been torturing myself for thirty minutes for no reason. I took the next turn-out, turned off my car and waited ten-minutes. Peace was restored and I went on my merry way.
Our book says, "it's a spiritual axiom that every time I am upset, there is something wrong with me." Today I know that what other people do or say is never the problem. It's always my reaction to what they do or say that is the problem. I am grateful today that I don’t suffer as long before I recognize these ego traps. I am grateful today that I no longer beat myself up for giving away my serenity. I am grateful today to be alcoholic. There is no possible way I could have traveled from where I was to where I am today without having a disease that was going to kill me unless I treated it spiritually through practicing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.