"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned." BB pg 84
The first time I heard the voice was on a hot sticky summer evening in 2003. I was nine years sober and working a decent program. After an argument with my then wife, I had retreated to my office at home, slamming the door behind me. Bam! In the font of my anger, slamming the door was my exclamation point. Years before, then with a different wife, I had slammed an expensive dinner plate onto the kitchen floor. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. I learned that door slamming was cheaper and more effective. Sometimes a few pictures fell off the wall, but usually nothing broke. Besides, if I didn’t get the right satisfaction from slamming the door the first time, I could always slam it again, harder. You just can’t do that with a broken dinner plate.
My face felt purple as wave after wave of adrenaline surged through me. I panted in short shallow gasps. Had this been a cartoon you would have seen black smoke shooting out of both of my ears like Popeye just before he finally eats the spinach and clobbers Bluto.
Then I heard the voice. It said, “You don’t have to live this way anymore if you don’t want to.” It was the first time in my life I realized that every time I react in anger towards others, I'm the one who gets hurt. My peace of mind goes out the window. I not only say and do hurtful things, but I give away my serenity. This is just shooting myself in the foot.That evening I made peace of mind my number one goal.
My restoration to sanity -- to a life of balance, harmony and order is nothing I did and everything God did. It has been a long slow process, but today, by working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to the best of my ability, I enjoy a life that is peaceful and contented. Four years ago I met a beautiful woman. We bought a home together and became partners in life. It's amazing to note that we have never had an argument of any kind during these four years. Wow!