I rarely drank to be social. I usually drank for only one reason -- to change the way I felt. I drank to escape the guilt, the constant tension, the frustrations, and a “hundred forms of fear.” And I drank when I felt good because just feeling good wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted euphoria -- the perfect high. A few times I got close, but predictably I overshot the mark and when I did my repertoire of behaviors ranged from cynical and negative to argumentative and belligerent. Toward the end only my lower companions could stand to be around me and sometimes even the bar flies flew.
I came into AA on a pink cloud -- a sense of dreamy weightlessness that was better than any drinking high I’d ever experienced. Like any good addict, I wanted more and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it. Even though the pink cloud wore off in a few months, I did everything that was suggested to put myself in the center of AA and the good feelings have kept on coming ever since.
Working with others makes me feel good. When I am passing on the AA message of hope, joy and love, my life becomes more hopeful and joyful. When I'm taking the actions to connect with a still suffering alcoholic, my life feels more fulfilling, useful. There is no greater pleasure than to see the light come on in another drunk’s eyes. It's simply a wonderful way to live.