Inner Change

I read once of an Indian tribe who cursed their enemies with “may you stay just as you are forever.” They understood that stagnation brings death. Everything in nature is constantly changing. Most of my life I held onto my fixed, rigid ideas about how life should work, until pain yanked them from my grasping fingers.

The new age minister at the church I attended in early sobriety said there are only two motivations for change: either we “feel the heat” or we “see the light.” Today I’m better at embracing change, probably because I’ve learned the hard way that doesn’t do any good to resist it. The pain always comes from resisting.

As an alcoholic I have learned all I can from pain. Now it is time to see what joy can teach me. All I have to be is willing -- willing to give up my fears, judgments and expectations, to “let go of my old ideas absolutely.” I’ve found it’s not as hard or scary as it seems.

It’s important to be gentle with myself. Trying to force myself to change because of self-dissatisfaction is just more violence against myself. All it really requires is that I pay attention to what’s going on inside of me. My Higher Power does the rest.

The sign said “Spiritual Pizza Parlor” so I went in and ordered a $12 pizza. I gave the waitress a $20. When she handed me my pizza, I asked for my change. She said “change comes from within.”