I'm in the car featured in Back to the Future, but I'm not driving, Spirit is. As I travel backwards in time I leave all the sadness, anger, and fear behind. I unlearn all the old ideas that keep me chained to self. One by one my moldy beliefs fall away. Finally, I return to the innocence of childhood. The spontaneous joy, the freedom, the aliveness that Life fully intends itself to be. I run and play with abandon. I eat freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and sticky sweet slices of bright red watermelon. I see how far I can spit out the seeds. I color outside the lines and make sloppy mud pies. I don't try to be special because I know I already am. I'm filled with delight. I love freely, deeply, equally.
Spirit drives me to remain in AA. I think that I am choosing to go to the meetings, that I am choosing to work the steps and I am choosing to put my hand out to other alcoholics, but it isn't me. It is Spirit gently pulling me in the direction of my highest and best good. Left to my own devices, I'd still be sitting alone in my dirty darkened apartment drinking cheap red wine, smoking pot and watching stupid television programs day in and day out. Spirit has always been there parked at the curb, motor running, waiting patiently for me to come to the end of my rope. Fortunately, I was graced with the disease of alcoholism. My life became so painful I had no other choice but to let go and let God. It's been a great ride.