Blessing of Alcoholism
I consider my alcoholism to be a blessing. It sounds funny to say that. But I don't know how I could have traveled from where I was to where I am today without having this life-threatening disease. I was too committed to my own ideas, my own grand plans and schemes. I reached out for help nineteen years ago and I continue to reach out for help today. I have no other choice. God makes it baby simple for me: continue to grow spiritually or suffer. I suffered for thirty years before I stumbled through the doors to my first meeting. Now I want to see what joy is like.
I do not regret the past. I had to drink every drink, tell every lie, and endure every humiliating experience to find my bottom. One less of anything and I might have missed grace, that moment when it was clear there was a softer, easier way through life than the way I was going. Back then I wasn't thinking about the promise of a better life, I only wanted the pain to go away -- the pain of frustration and confusion, the pain of resentment, the pain of self-hate, the pain of isolation.
Today I spend very little time in fear, anger, or guilt. Like our book says, I enjoy a new freedom and a new happiness. I am no longer baffled when a painful situation arises. Today when I lose my peace I know it is because I am trying to impose my self-centered version of reality on life instead of accepting Life exactly as it is. Pain must result whenever I cannot accept a person or circumstance in my life because, in essence, I am rejecting God. I forget that life is unfolding according to divine plan. I forget each experience, each lesson, is presented to me to help me grow. Today, more than ever, I see that life is perfect just the way it is. Today I know if life were supposed to be different than it is, it would be.