I received many gifts throughout my sobriety starting with the gift of
desperation. But the most important gift of all is willingness. I was
graced with the willingness to do what was suggested in my first meeting
and I have pretty much stayed willing ever since. I don't take any of
the credit for my willingness because it's a spiritual gift. I know it's
a spiritual gift because you told me if I don't feel willing, I can
pray for it.
If I let ego manage my sobriety, I'll get drunk. Ego tells me I
have better things to do than go to meetings, call other alcoholics and
put my hand out to newcomers. Anything is better than writing my fourth
step! It takes willingness to stand up to ego, bit every time I do, ego
loses power and it is easier the next time.
Some days I don't feel willing, but you taught me I don't have to
feel willing to act willing. Big Al shared in one of my first meetings,
"I felt depressed when I woke up this morning so I decided to stay in
bed all day. Then I heard a voice that asked what I would do if I wasn't
depressed. I heard another voice that answered, 'you would go to the
meeting'. So here I am."
Willingness is spiritual energy. I prime the pump for willingness to
flow into my life by taking the suggested actions regardless of how I
feel. By acting as if I am willing, I become willing. I almost always
feel better after a meeting, especially if I had to drag my butt to it.