My wife is dealing with another medical challenge. It is like Life throws a wet canvas over our lives when this happens. It’s easy for my attitude to go south, but I’m not much help to anyone if I allow that to happen. If I do, I become part of the problem, not part of the solution.
When life get’s me down, it’s a sure sign I’ve lost my connection to
my HP. I know when this happens because it feels like I am slogging
through a swamp up to my knees in quicksand. I can’t muster up
enthusiasm for much of anything except sitting, staring at my computer
and eating. When this happens my knee-jerk reaction is to do the exact
opposite of what my program teaches me. Instead of putting my hand out
and re-connecting, I isolate.
I heard in a meeting once that isolation is a dark room where we go
to develop our negatives. It’s a catch 22. Self-will takes over as I
sink deeper into isolation. When I’m running on self-will I don’t have
the power to free myself from isolation. Depression could be right
around the corner. Thanks to my recovery program, I am sensitive to my
tendency to isolate. I become “sick and tired” of suffering before I get
sucked all the way to the bottom.
Reconnecting with life starts with me calling other alcoholics and
talking about them, not me. I force myself to get to a meeting and share
in a general way what’s going on. I put my hand out to newcomers. I do
some writing. In a day or two I’m back t seeing the glass half-full. My
attitude and outlook has changed.
I try to remember, it’s not life on my terms, but life on life’s
terms. Life is calling the shots. Is life always fair? No. Is life
always comfortable? No. But life is always real. As I continue to let go
of all the old ideas that stand between me and life, truth begins to
shine through. Peace is restored.