Each of my character defects is rooted in fear. I fear weakness so I strive to control. I fear being taken advantage of so I strive to dominate. I fear intimacy so I strive to be aloof. I fear being ordinary so I strive to be special. The list is endless. As soon as I feel I have overcome one fear, another pops up. Sheesh.
I try not to blame myself for my character defects. In fact I don't consider them defects at all, but character "defenses". I developed these "defenses" innocently as my mind tried to keep me safe from some imaginary future pain. I fail to see it's all an illusion--just my memory of the past projecting itself onto the future. It's this false story that keeps me stuck in defensive reaction, doing my will, not God's.
My fear-based, defensive reactions to the people and events in my life are so deeply ingrained they feel a part of me. That's why I need divine help to change. Becoming "entirely ready" for me begins with the willingness to see that the fear in my life is not real, only a mirage.