Disturbed vs Concerned

“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”

No matter what the cause? My wife is facing another major surgery. Wouldn’t there be something wrong with me if I wasn’t disturbed? No. I think Bill had it right. Anytime I react to any one of a hundred forms of psychological fear, there is something wrong with me. I am believing what my head is telling me even though it is not true. It is only False Evidence Appearing Real.

My mind, trying to protect itself, takes fearful memories and other "old ideas" from the past and projects them into a worst-case future scenario. My body experiences this fear like the future is happening now. It feels real but it isn't. I feel anxious even though nothing has actually happened. I drank against this anxiety for thirty years.

As long as I choose to believe the illusion my mind creates, I am constantly living in the fearful future, not the present moment. I feel compelled to try to control outcomes--to change a future that hasn’t even happened yet! Whenever I try to control the people and events in my life, I am doing my will, not God’s will. Even though I know this intellectually, I can’t stop trying to control. These currents of fearful belief are deep. The best I say is that I’m a little better.

I am learning there is a difference between being disturbed and being concerned. I'm concerned for my wife, but I'm not constricted in fear. This way I can show up, stay positive and see where I can be of service. I learned all of this in Alcoholics Anonymous.