Staying Awake

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is like "No Doze" for spirit. As long as I continue to do what is suggested, spirit stays awake. But if I let up on my program of action, spirit rolls over and falls back asleep, just like I do sometimes on a lazy Sunday morning.

If spirit falls back asleep, I'm right back to sleepwalking through my life, interested only in entertaining myself, always struggling to squeeze a drop of happiness out of people, places and things. Eventually discontent sets in, then irritability and restlessness. Sooner or later I'm suffering -- right back in my darkened apartment, drinking cheap red wine and smoking pot, full of fear.

Waiting for pain to motivate me to continue to grow along spiritual lines seems like such an inefficient way to live. I'm learning the hard way to take my hands off the steering wheel and let spirit, fully awake and free, guide me to a useful and contented life.