Heartfelt Amends

The three most difficult things for me (and I believe most human beings) are: returning love for hate, including the excluded and admitting I am wrong. In fact these three criteria are a pretty darn good measure of the quality my recovery today. Admitting I am wrong has always been tough for me, but I've made some progress.

I identify with that tornado it describes in our book. For most of my life and even in the first few years of my sobriety I was roaring though life, insensitive to the feelings of others and the damage I caused. Then when your reaction told me that I had knowingly or unknowingly said or done something that harmed you, my first impulse was to rationalize, justify or minimize -- to try and make it your fault.

As I grew in the program a little, I got to the stage of "half ass" amends -- whispering "sorry" out of the corner of my mouth. It's taken some time, but today most of the time I am able to make heartfelt amends. It may take a while, but the fact is that it is uncomfortable for me until I do. Making the amends and meaning it is the easier softer way.

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