One of the teachings found in the other Big Book is the idea that if get slapped on one cheek, I shouldn't get mad, but I should "turn the other cheek." This was a difficult concept for me until I learned that this doesn't mean that I should encourage others to beat the hell out of me. What it does mean is that I should get another perspective -- to look at the problem or the situation from another direction.
I believe this is exactly what Steps 4 and 10 asks me to do. To find my part in any problem, to see the situation from the other person's point of view, to try and understand what God has in mind by bringing this situation into my life.
Today I'm pretty sure that everything that happens to me is for the reason of my spiritual development. If I am to fully learn the lessons, I must look at what happens in my life from all angles. If I am blaming, condemning and rejecting I can't hope to learn or understand anything. Then I just stay stuck until the pain ratchets up high enough to motivate me to make a change.