Just One More

I came to the conclusion early on that there was no such thing as "staying the same" in AA. I am either taking the actions to grow spiritually or I'm slowly sliding backwards toward my disease -- back into the cesspool of my own self centered fear. It really makes no difference where I am on the path. What matters is that I'm moving in the right direction.

To me it all boils down to the desire to be changed at depth. Without this desire I won't have the willingness to do the work -- to keep trudging. The grace I received was that I was so thoroughly beaten by alcoholism, that I had accumulated so much self hate, that nothing but a brand new me would do. The grace I receive today -- that lives and breathes with me -- gently encourages me to keep moving toward It's ideal even as the comfort zone beckons.

The fears that were my constant companions, the fears that I drank at, the fears that held me prisoner, are slowly, slowly beginning to give way to a new attitude and outlook. It's a whispered promise that a better life is just around the next bend as long as I keep moving forward. Regardless of the problems, regardless of the pain, regardless of all outward appearances all I gotta do is take one more step, make one more meeting, say one more prayer, and have one more conversation with another alcoholic. Just one more.