Self centered fear is at the root of each of my character defects -- the fear that I’m going to lose something that I can’t live without or the fear that I’m not going to get something I think I need to live the way I want.
My character defects grew out of this fear like so many weeds growing out of a cesspool. I was afraid that you wouldn’t love me so I became a people pleaser, approval seeker and a perfectionist. I constantly lied in the attempt to make myself look better in your eyes. I manipulated you in a hundred different ways to get what I thought I needed and got angry, indignant and blaming when you resisted giving me what I wanted. I prepared myself for disappointment that I was sure was right around the corner by becoming a negative thinker. I became sarcastic and cynical. While these defenses keep me safe they also keep me stuck, because every time I react defensively I am doing my will not God’s will. I am blocked off from the light and I cannot find my true place. I am out of sync with life.
I cannot be emotionally sober until I muck out the psychic cesspool deep in my subconscious, one bucketful at a time. The steps supply me the tools to "uncover, discover and discard" all the old ideas that keep me in bondage, but I must be willing to do the work. As I get cleaner inside, the character defects seem to magically disappear like the early morning mist on a pond when it is warmed by the sun.