It helps me to remember that there’s already an answer to every question I could ever have. The answer exists in the universe (mind of God), waiting patiently for me to ask the question. It knows not only the answers to the big questions like who should I marry and what should I do for a living, but the small stuff too. It knows what color I should paint my bedroom for the best night’s sleep and what I should eat for breakfast for the most energy. God’s will for me is found in the answers to the questions I ask about my life. Since its will for me is a zillion times better than anything I could think up on my own, I often wonder why I don’t ask more questions or why I don’t hear the answers to the questions when I do ask.
There are many reasons I don’t ask more questions. The most obvious reason must be that I feel I already have the answers--I already have my mind made up. Yet if you asked me if I am open-minded I would say yes. It’s funny how I can fool myself. Another reason is that I don’t want to know the answer is because I haven’t yet learned to take guidance and direction. I want to do it my way. I want to tend to the man who is still sick my way even through there is a wealth of anecdotal evidence that, without God’s direction, my way doesn’t work worth crap.
Even when I’m open-minded and willing take direction, I don’t hear most of the answers because my interior house is too noisy. The voices of anger, resentment, jealousy and self-centered fear drown out the small voice of intuitive wisdom. My drive to achieve takes priority over my natural need to connect. I’m caught in the dream that there’s someplace better than here and sometime better than now. But of course I don’t realize these things unless I am willing to sit quietly. All I have to do is sit down and shut up.
The best thing I can do for the world is to recover. When one of us gets better, everyone everywhere gets a little better. That’s why it feels so good to see the light come on in a newcomer’s eyes. As he or she “gets it,” so do I move a little closer to my own spiritual sanity. Certainly the world dearly needs people to save the rain forest, feed the hungry, and demonstrate for peace, but just now, today, the best thing I can do for all of life everywhere is to recover--continue taking the actions that saved me from the ”hopeless state of mind and body” that is alcoholic hell. Asking questions and listening for the answers are priceless tools for recovery, but I have to remember to use them.